Still Raining

I can't believe it.  September was the wettest September ever in Green Bay.  We blew past the previous record by a few inches of rain.  Now we've taken aim at being the wettest year ever recorded.  We're only a couple inches below the previous record--set last year--and there are three months left.  If things keep on, I'm going to need mask, fins, and snorkel to go to the grocery.  Good thing my tanks are filled up.

I had a fun but not photogenic day.  I got to pick up DS at the car fixit place early this morning, then we went to breakfast while his car got a new muffler.  Then I got a haircut late this morning and left the salon for the dentist office where I got my new partial.  Exciting times.  No photos.  Plus I have hair schnipples down my back.  Itchy.


A Downy Woodpecker came to visit while I had lunch.  Since I stopped filling the feeders the suet is really the only treat available out there.  I reset the snap trap in a different place so maybe I'll have caught something in the morning.  Fingers crossed.


I worked on the laundry this afternoon and knitted on Two Hour Bag #2 until, that is, this freakishly huge section of yarn showed up.  At first I knitted it in but then I took a look at it and decided that it looked like a swelling on the purse so I tinked it back, cut out the fat part, and started up again with normal size yarn.  I also started accumulating my writing things for my writing retreat that I leave for on Saturday.  To combat my current state of the blahs I have a coffee date with a support group friend on Friday afternoon and a knitting/lunch date on Saturday in Door Co. with a knitting friend.  Tomorrow I have a trainer session so that should perk me up some too.  I'm very tired of day after day of drizzly rain and heavy gray sky.  Ugh.

2 October--Barbara Malcolm, Horizon. 

             I took a long walk.  I walked all around the edges of the farm, thinking of how sorry I was to have invited the boys home to meet Abel.  Thinking, too, I should have written more about how my feelings had changed about him.  Maybe they wouldn’t have been as relaxed meeting him at first but knowing we were dating might have avoided the ugly words we’d just exchanged.  I cried and walked, fumed and walked, until the light was fading and I got back to the house and sat on the porch.  I could hear the rest of the family in the kitchen making supper.  I wasn’t hungry.  I sat there with my arms folded across my chest and watched as the sun set on a day I’d rather forget.

I hadn’t been there long when I heard a car approaching.  It was Sam.  He parked the rental car in the driveway, got out, and walked directly to sit beside me on the porch.  “I’m sorry, Mom,” he said.

            I didn’t look at him.  “Sorry is not enough this time, Sam.”

            “But…”

            “No buts, Sam.”  I turned to look at him in the golden sunset light.  “You were way out of bounds.  How dare you confront me like that?”

            My oldest turned his face to stare into the fading glow.  “We’re all worried about you.  You’ve changed so much in the last year, we don’t recognize you.  Merry thought maybe you’d had a stroke, but Sara reassured her you were just finding yourself.  I didn’t know what that meant.”

            Not yet willing to be placated, I said, “I appreciate your concern, but are you so self-centered that you can’t allow anyone to change?  For the first time in my life, I have no one but myself to please.  I spent my entire life being a dutiful daughter, an obedient wife, and a mother to three boys I’m very proud of.  Or at least I was until this afternoon.”

            “Mom, I…”

            “Let me finish.  Your dad and I tried to raise you to be strong, independent men and, until today, I thought we had.  That little spectacle in the kitchen leads me to believe we raised three bullies.”  I let the silence drag out.  “It’s your turn to talk now.”

            Twilight had faded and the glow of the lights from the living room kept his face in shadow.  “I’m sorry, Mom.  I, uh, well, Merry came back from visiting her mom this morning and Prudence had told her all the gossip that’s been swirling around about you.  And about Abel, too.  How he’s had two or three girlfriends a year since his wife died.  How you and he have been seen mauling each other all over town.  She told Merry that Abel Baker’s a money-grubbing gigolo out after only one thing.”

            I fell back in shock.  My arms uncrossed and my hands dropped into my lap.  “And you believed her?”

            “Yeah, I did.  I could see how much he likes you and how much you like him.  I’m not used to seeing you flirt with anyone, Mom.  And then when the boys found his razor hidden in the cupboard, I guess I just snapped.  I feel like I’ve lost control.”

            Angry words leapt to my lips but I tamped them down.  “Prudence Christian is an unhappy woman who thinks the worst of everyone, you know that.  You probably don’t know she set her cap for Abel right after Marcella died and was rebuffed.”  I took a deep breath, my hands balled into fists in my lap.  “You also know that whenever Merry visits her mother she falls right back into her nasty traps.  I can’t count the number of times you’ve complained that it takes Merry nearly a month to get back to normal after that harpy visits San Francisco.  How could you just swallow her lies and half-truths so easily?”

            “You’re right.”  He shook his head.  “You’re right.  I didn’t think.”

            “No, you didn’t.”  I reached out and touched his back.  “And, I hate to break this to you, Sam, but you’re not in control of anyone’s life but your own.  You don’t have to take your dad’s place at the head of the family.  I let you take over for a while right after Dad died because, frankly, I was just paralyzed by how sudden it was.  When you went away to college I thought you understood that was over.  You need to take a look around.”  I waved toward the house where rest of the family inside gathered around the table.  “All of us are adults.  The three of you are married, Aaron and Matt have their own kids.  I try not to interfere in your lives, it’s time you let me have mine.”

            He sat back in his chair and took my hand.  “I’m sorry, Mom.  I got carried away.  It’s just when Merry hammers at me like that, I lose it.”

            “You know I love Merry.  I think she’s a good wife for you, but maybe you ought to think about sending her for a little counseling, maybe couples counseling.  Living out in California I’m sure there’s some sort of therapy on every street corner.”

            Sam laughed, a soft little chuckle.  “Yeah, California, land of fruits and nuts.  Actually, Merry’s been in counseling for years, but I never thought about going too.  Maybe it would help her more if we both went.”

            “That’s a good idea.  Why don’t you find one of those weekend things where you’re at a mountain lodge or a beach house?  Get some help in a beautiful place.  Getting out of your familiar rut is sometimes good medicine all on its own.”

            “That’s why I looked for a firm out there in the first place.  I thought maybe getting Merry away from here and her mom’s constant barrage of complaints would be good for both of us.”

            “And…?”

            He stood up and looked into the night, then he sat on the porch rail facing me.  “It’s been good.  She loves her job.  She’s even getting better at weathering Prudence’s weekly calls, but she still falls back when they’re together.”  He pushed himself to his feet.  “C’mon, Mom, something smells really great in there.  We’d better grab some before the ravening hordes eat it all.”

            It would take a while for my hurt feelings to heal, but I was glad to start back on the road to family harmony.  We’d see how things went the next day; Abel had invited us all over to his place for a picnic .

Tonight was the Agape Dinner at DS & DIL1's church.  I like to go because, well, free food plus I get to see LC, OJ, and their wonderful parents for a short time.  Tonight's menu was chicken legs, mashed potatoes, corn, homemade applesauce, and gravy for the potatoes if you wanted it.  I don't gravy; it's yukky.  There's also a long table of bars and cookies for dessert.  They have it on the first Wednesday of each month and I try to go if my beloved family goes.  DIL1 usually helps cook so it's a pretty good bet that they'll be there.
--Barbara