Bird Day

 I saw a couple birds today that I haven't seen in a while.  This Chickadee joined the House Finches on the platform feeder just long enough to have its picture taken.  As soon as I snapped the shutter it took off.

This is a Goldfinch in its winter clothes.  In the spring it molts and the feathers that grow in are bright yellow.  In the fall the bright yellow feathers turn this avocado color.  Isn't nature amazing?

This morning I made a pot of Butternut Squash & Chicken Soup.  I've been putting it off because it's such a pain to peel the squash, then scrape out the seeds, before cutting it into cubes.  The recipe called for a can of chicken, which I didn't have, but I did have a chicken breast in the freezer that I could dice up and give a quick saute in a fry pan.  The only thing I didn't have was a couple scallions for garnish so I sprinkled on some chopped dried onion for a little extra onion flavor.  I had some for supper.  It's good.

At Friday Night Knitting I finished the Espresso Warm Beanie and got all the tails woven in.  I tried it on and realized that the yarn is almost the exact color of my hair--without the lovely gray at the temples.

Then, because there was an hour of knitting time left, I cast on a preemie hat.

18 December--Barbara Malcolm, The Seaview. 

            It was nearly midnight when I realized that I'd been acting like a lovesick schoolgirl and I should go to bed.  I'd turned off the light by the daybed and gone in to brush my teeth when there was a light tapping on the door.  The courtyard light cast a man's shadow on the curtain.

            "Yes?" I said, crossing to stand near the shadow.

            "Rose?  It's Iggy."

            Mindful that this was my electrician as well as my possible boyfriend, I pulled the curtain aside to see his hand pressed on the glass.

            "You left me," he said.

            "Yes," I said, "you were occupied with a lot of partners.  I was tired so I came home."

            He looked at me.

            I knew that he wanted me to open the door but I was torn.  Did I want a boyfriend at the expense of the Seaview?  I opened the door and he stepped into my room.  I didn't move.

            "I missed you, Rose."  He reached for me but I sidestepped his embrace.  His eyebrows...oh, those expressive eyebrows...lifted.  "You are angry?" he asked.

            I shrugged.  "Not so much angry as hurt."  I walked to stand behind the kitchen counter.  "You weren't thinking about me tonight.  Who were all those women, Iggy?"

            He shifted from foot to foot.  "Those were a lot of my wife's friends and other single ladies from around the island."

            "The women who have been waiting for you to grieve, to start dating again so they could set their sights on you.  Dru told me that there was a pack of women from Anguilla and other islands sniffing around for the last five years.  Maybe we should go back to being electrician and employer.  That way no one's feelings get hurt."  My hands gripped the edge of the counter.

            He took a step toward me and reached out.  "Rose, I could not be impolite to them.  I have known most of them since I was a boy.  They are my friends and neighbors.  They wanted to spend time with me but I would rather spend time with you."

            I stepped back from his hand.  "It didn't seem like that tonight, Iggy.  We danced the first dance and then you never came back.  I waited for you to come back but you didn't.  I thought we had a date."  Tears welled and it took all my control to keep them from falling.  "I'm new at this but I do remember that you don't leave your date at the table and go off to dance with every other girl in the room."

            "Rose..."  His soft voice wrapped around me like an embrace.  "Rose, I do not want to go back to being employer and electrician.  I want us to be more than that, more than friends."

            I shook my head.  "I have to think about this.  Maybe I'm not ready for a romantic relationship.  Maybe I need to focus on the Seaview for now."  We looked at each other across the dim room.  "Good night, Iggy," I said, "I'm tired and need to go to bed.  I'll see you tomorrow."

            I saw his shoulders slump and he turned to go.  "Good night, Mrs. Rose.  I will see you at work tomorrow."  He slid the door shut softly behind him.

            I crossed the room, pulled the curtain across the door, leaned my forehead on it, and let my tears fall.

            I had a hard time falling asleep.  I kept seeing that long string of women monopolizing Iggy at the jump-up and wondering where, and if, I fit in.  The old-maid-aunt part of my brain scolded me for not being loyal to Jim's memory and no matter how many times I told myself that Jim had been gone for years, that I was a normal woman with normal feelings, and no matter how much I told myself that Jim would want me to get on with my life, I was flooded with guilt.

Today's toss was a little straw bowl with a lid.

Writing today wasn't great but I did it.

--Barbara